How to Build a Financially Strong Marriage

Guest Post Written by Lauren Guest from EDIFYnancial

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This time of year is full of discussions of love and romance and what could be more romantic than a financially strong marriage that lasts beyond February 14^th?!

When I was stressing about finances, my mind was bogged down with thoughts like

“How can I hustle more?”
“Where can I cut our spending?”
“If only he would quit buying pointless stuff!”
“If we didn’t expand our family this would be easier”
“What is my next step?”

And so many other loud, frustrating voices that arrested my thoughts and even invited resentment towards my husband.

So needless to say, romance was far past the last thing on my mind. As a wife, this was an extremely dangerous place for me to be because it caused our love life to ride shotgun on the struggle bus.

All jokes aside, as a spouse, it is important that you understand the impact your faith and finances have on your marriage.

Plenty of fights break out over finances. We want to change that! Find out how you can build a financially strong marriage starting today. #marriage #marriageandmoney #financesandmarriage

Financial Stress Can Be Just a Season

When having financial discussions with people, I have found that the topic often turns to marriage. Usually in the form of “How did you get your spouse on board?” or “Your husband is probably a nerd too, right?” or “Do you budget with your spouse?” or any variation of these.

As Christians, we fully desire to do this financial stuff with our spouse because we know that it really is the right thing to do as we were made one flesh before God, but oftentimes we are met with rejection by our spouse in one way or another.

That was definitely the case for me so I personally know how a person can feel in those shoes. It can seem like your finances are helpless and the future of your marriage is next to hopeless.

BUT I want to encourage you that with faith, wisdom, and guidance this season can be just that…a season. Then you and your spouse can move on to bigger and better things. You two will be able to look back on this season and thank God for His faithfulness as He used the difficulty to grow your marriage in amazing ways.

Desiring a Financially Strong Marriage

Now, if I can be real honest, getting out of this season will likely not happen the way you have fantasized. There is a high possibility that you will not be having coffee dates with your smiling spouse around a budget where you magically agree on every detail (tell me I am not alone in these nerdy fantasies!)

What I mean is you should not fool yourself into believing that when you reach financial freedom then you can have a flourishing marriage. There can be a comfort and strength built inside of this season that will be carried on throughout your marriage as you work your way out of this difficult season.

What Builds a Financially Strong Marriage?

Building a financially strong marriage actually has less to do with dollars and cents than you may realize. I know this sounds odd coming from a financial person, but hear me out.

In Philippians, Paul talks about how he had “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (4:11b-12 NIV)

This was God’s provision for Paul and it can be yours too if you choose to invite Him in and lean on Him. Your financially strong marriage really has more to do with bringing Christ into places that you have left Him out of in the past. Once you do this, the more mechanical steps are much smoother to take.

Biblical Steps Towards Building a Financially Strong Marriage

The good news is that the next 4 tips I am giving you can be put into practice today – you do not have to wait until you reach some status or bank balance to do any of them. You can start this journey towards building a financially strong marriage now!

1) Prayer

Every plan, process, and endeavor you embark on should begin with prayer and your financial journey is no different. If you are in a place where it is already comfortable to pray with your spouse, just jump on in.

If you are not, pray on your own first asking that God will soften your heart towards your spouse, your spouse’s heart towards Him, intercede for their weaknesses, and finally strengthen you to join in prayer with your spouse.

Tips: Focus on who God is – He is omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), omnipresent (always everywhere), wise, faithful, merciful, glorious, holy, gracious, and loving.

By doing this, it allows you to see that your Father wants what is best for you, but He has to be first in your life for you to reap the blessings that He has in store.

Ask God for wisdom and He will grant it to you (James 1:5). Look to Him for your strength (1 Chronicles 16:11). Invite Him into every part of your life because He cannot transform any place where you have not allowed Him to enter and reign.

Related: How to Pray for Your Finances

2) Tithe

To give money away when you are trying to build a financially strong marriage may sound counterproductive. But tithing is a way to show our love and trust in the Lord.

The Way God Transformed us Through Tithing

My husband and I were raised to think that tithing was important, but it was just doing our part to keep the lights on and the preacher at the pulpit.
About 2 years into our marriage, I vividly remember the moment that my heart was convicted to figure out this tithing thing and it was nothing short of a miracle

When I went home and put pencil to paper I remember breaking into tears because the numbers did not add up.

But I prayed through it and was obedient to what God had called me to and it worked the first week. The check cleared so I challenged God again the next week…week in and week out we continued to do this until now we don’t think twice about giving God the first 10% and more if we are called to do so.

To say that my free-spirited husband was hesitant in the beginning would be an understatement, but even he is able to realize and admit the positive transformation that has taken place in our hearts, our relationships with God, our marriage, and definitely our finances.

3) Trust God

Recognizing our deep need to trust God is essential. You can do very little on your own (comparatively speaking) so trusting yourself puts limitations on the glorious plans that God has in store for your life.

I know this all too well because I placed too much trust in my own abilities and myself for a long time. If I am really honest, this is a struggle that I face even today.

I have to continuously stay on top of this weakness by asking myself the following questions:

Do you believe that God cares for you (Matthew 6:26)?
Do you believe that He is your strength (Isaiah 40:29-31; Habakkuk 3:19)?
Do you believe that He is with you (Deuteronomy 31:6)?
Do you believe that He desires you to have peace (John 16:33)?
Do you believe that He will deliver and protect you (Psalms 18:2)?
Do you believe that He can work inside of your weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)?

When we recognize our deep need for trusting God we unlock potential that we did not even realize was possible.

4) Communicate

In order to build a financially strong marriage you have to be able to communicate effectively with your spouse.

I found out the hard way that pointing fingers and demanding changes is an absolutely fruitless effort in attempting to improve your finances. Maybe your communication skills are more refined than mine were, but I know this is an area that anyone can improve on.

The goal is unity, but even with the most loving intentions, we can come off as being rash when we try to address finances with our spouse who may have insecurities in this space. We have to prepare our tongue and heart for these conversations if we want them to be fruitful.

In our journey of financial intentionality, I have found that as we came to understand the back end of a financially strong marriage we were able to tackle the mechanics as a team with God and each other. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 says in the NLT,

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

Our financial struggles are a battle against the enemy and when we view them through this lens we are able to understand our deep need to tackle them as a triple-braided cord team.

This gives us the motivation and the strength that we need to stick to the mechanics and defeat the enemy who may be causing your marriage to struggle, putting tension on other relationships, stealing your rest, and/or causing health issues (spiritual, physical, mental, or emotional) – ultimately, the enemy is robbing you of the joyful life God desires for you and that is absolutely not okay.

Practical Actions to Take Towards Building a Financially Strong Marriage

So what practical actions can you take as a couple to start to build a financially strong marriage?

1. Create a Spending Plan: Having a spending plan in place that is built by you and your spouse is a good way to communicate your financial intentions in black and white. Remember when you are setting this up that you will likely have to practice compromise – knowing when to give and when to take is important. This spending plan is usually done on a monthly basis, but depending on the way your income and expenses are set-ups this may be done weekly, biweekly, or even on a yearly basis with frequent check-ins.

2. Work on Eliminating Debt: Debt balances can often cause unnecessary stress on marriage – as a couple you should discuss the effect these balances and payments are having on your lives’. If the effects are negative, plans should definitely be made to eliminate the debt so that your marriage can be strengthened.

3. Build Up Your Savings: Building your savings account or an emergency fund may be the relief from the anxiety that you or your spouse needs to strengthen your relationship. Discuss what kind of balance you have in mind that could relieve the anxiety and what measures need to be taken in order to reach those balances.

4. Create a Living Will: Having a will in place is much easier than it sounds. Getting one in place can bring peace of mind and show your family just how much you love them.

5. Understand and Adjust Your Insurance: Understanding your insurance plans and making adjustments to them can relieve the stress of the unknown and give you more capacity to enjoy time with your loved ones.

You are reading this because you believe that your marriage is not as financially strong as it could be. The real first step towards building a financially strong marriage is being up for the challenge.

This journey will look different for every couple because everyone is in a different place, and we are all called to do different things by God. I believe that this journey is important because it allows you to see your spouse in a whole new light and gives you both a larger capacity for love and romance that you may have never experienced before.

Other Marriage and Finance Tools

Here are 5 more secrets to a financially strong marriage.

Maybe you’re not sure if you should keep separate bank accounts or a joint one. Whatever you decide is best for your marriage, one thing that is important is to create a budget and stick to it. Budgets really do help marriages stay on track and will ultimately help your marriage! If you haven’t started a budget yet, you can today with this customizable budget spreadsheet.

Guest Author

Lauren from EDIFYnancial

Lauren Guest empowers marriages in their faith and finances. Birthed out of her love for financial intentionality and her own personal marriage struggles, she is launching a program designed to bring spouses together in their finances so that they can more smoothly make financial decisions that reflect their values and goals as a family. (Click here for more information on the program) When she’s not diving deep into her calling, she is either tooling leather or having fun with her husband, 2 wild boys, and all the animals.

Connect with her on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook.